Laura Stiles a gentle spirit

Looking for Messenger Spirits

2010-12-05T11:48:00.000-05:00

Laura with fox image on bench, Middleburg VA

Until now couldn't mention in casual conversation-because it was too special and too out of the ordinary...On the night of October 27, Laura's birthday, as I was heading up our road in the early darkness, a fox crossed the road near the pond, then paused and seemed to look back at me. How often do I spot a fox-three or four times a year maybe? Laura liked foxes. Like owls, which were another of her favorite creatures, I think it is the wise part of the fox's persona that appealed and still does. She did a project on foxes in third grade which still hangs on the wall. She drew them. In keeping with Native American ideas, foxes have become a kind of "messenger spirit" for me
Later that evening at the cemetery, as we kept our vigil, I spotted a shooting star. Another symbol of nature I associate with Laura, especially as she is often remembered on a theme of stars. How often do I see a shooting star? Walking the dog at night I do see them maybe four or five times a year.
But to see both a fox and a shooting star in the same night and on her birthday as well? It leaves no doubt that Laura will sometimes send the messenger spirits to me.

A picture of contentment

2010-10-24T17:22:00.000-04:00

Found! A photo of young Laura in an oceanfront Cape May restaurant. Happy, focused, pleased... with that touch of a smile...a picture of contentment. How the seaside light plays on her hair and reaches across our cozy table setting. You can enter into this space and take a little piece of this peace for yourself, if you click on the photo and get the larger view.

Laura would have been 16 on October 27.

What the heart has once known, it shall never forget. ~Author unknown

Summer scramblings remembered: Acadia

2010-07-25T10:41:00.009-04:00

Porcupine Islands and schooner Margaret Todd

The scene on Cadillac Mt

"...and the tourists were held back, while President Obama and his family walked around the top of Cadillac Mountain." Maybe you heard something like that recently in the news and saw a photo of the first family as they took in the sweeping view from this must see spot in Acadia National Park in Maine. Immediately, it sent me back to that August evening in 2003 when all of us, with dogs, joined other milling tourists on the wide Mt. Cadillac summit. Children hopped about the gently bumpy summit slabs, photographers poised their cameras, people chatted and struck up new acquaintances; all awaiting the sunset in this Acadia National Park tourist ritual. Photos taken that evening that once seemed so ordinary, and quickly thumbed through, now invited closer examination and provided an acute window into memory. To get the flavor, just click on any one of these photos for a closer look.

Laura's "Wet Village" rediscovered

2010-04-16T21:37:00.001-04:00

I've been waiting for the chill of a damp night like this to share the recently found photos of Laura and Susan in a rainy Williamsburg many years ago . It was pouring that April day but we persisted in walking about the village. Soon the girls were getting chilled, Laura especially. It was into the King's Arms tavern that we gratefully made our way. Soon Laura was out of her wet raincoat (too thin for the weather I wince to think of) and wrapped in a thick adult jacket. The two girls made a bee-line to warm-up at the fireplace. Lunch perked everyone up and Susan really enjoyed her tomato soup (still one of her staples to this day!)

Three years today

2009-12-22T09:14:00.002-05:00

Laura Stiles October 27, 1994 - December 22, 2006

Beloved daughter, sister, niece, and friend: the tears will never cease, that you had to leave us.

Please visit Laura's caringbridge site which has been updated by clicking here.

A rainy day Lemonade Stand

2009-10-25T19:50:00.002-04:00

I was pleased to do a fall-themed Alex's Lemonade Stand at Supercuts in Boonton yesterday. Thanks so much to my helpers: Claire, Peter A, Carmen, Alec, Mallory and special thanks to Sara who helped so much with publicity activities as well as setting up the stand. It was a rainy day (raining all over the Northeast) but we still raised a nice sum and got to chat with a number of old as well as new friends who stopped by.

A fall-themed Alex's Lemonade Stand

2009-10-12T20:44:00.001-04:00

I think Laura would have liked the paper this flyer is printed on. The paper is called "Acorn Alley" and I think it has that little touch of whimsy so like what Laura incorporated into her drawings. (If you haven't gotten here from the caringbridge site, please also see http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/laurastiles and our online page for the stand at http://www.alexslemonade.org/stands/19402)
Local residents, you can see the flyer in places like the Plaza Restaurant in Del's Village; A&P; Metro Pet- and more (when I get there...)

If you would like to have a closer view of the flyer, just click on it.

National Park reprise

2009-10-03T12:57:00.003-04:00

I don't know if anyone caught any of the 6-segment Ken Burns National Park special that ran on public television this past week (Ch 13 here in NY metro area). To be honest, you would probably have to be a pretty die-hard fan of the National Park system as I am to want to delve into this much of the politics and history of the Parks. But with its scenes (among others) of Bryce, Zion, Arches, Grand Canyon and Petrified Forest, the show brought such a flood of memories of our family visit to these western National Parks in Aug/Sept 2001 when Laura was almost 7. Emotions too: happy that she got to see and experience much of America's "Empire of Grandeur" in her short life but sadness that there would be no more trips there for her. Mixed in, the thought that the lives of many children with cancer are cut so very short that they never have any chance at all to see such wonder. After the show one night, I summoned up the courage to sit at Laura's desk among her figurines, books and treasured belongings, still arranged as she had so neatly placed them, and opened up her National Park passport book. Her gentle life force still seems to hum about the desk. In that strong field of emotion, I can only stay a while.
But I did look at the dated stamps of each park in her book like "Capitol Reef Nat'l Park Sept 2, 2001" and "Bryce Canyon Sept 3, 2001" etc and travel back in time, and for short while, we were together again, walking and skipping along pine-scented paths, pushing open doors into visitor centers, delighting in flipping the switch to the gas fireplace in our charming newly renovated cabin in Zion, driving through miles of ever unfolding splendid scenery, walking under arches and marvelling at vistas...

Still in the window

2009-09-27T11:39:00.002-04:00

We have two cats, Pepper and Daisy, just as we did when Laura was alive. But there is another cat in the house, a cat that Laura left us, drawn on a window in Susan's room. It's been there at least 3 years now. Laura's cat has got a vantage point with a view around the front and up the road. It's weathered well and we hope it will remain for many years to come.

Blue Mist shrub

2009-09-19T10:28:00.000-04:00

A sure sign of September days, a blue mist shrub in bloom on Pepperidge Road

September 11, 2009

2009-09-11T22:23:00.006-04:00

In Laura's hometown of Boonton Township, this morning on the eighth anniversary of Sept 11, a solitary fireman stood at attention, keeping a vigil outside the firehouse.

Settling in

2009-09-07T12:27:00.006-04:00

Susan has been at BU two weeks now. We drove her up to Boston with a small mountain of belongings and helped her get situated in her dorm room. The first week she joined the 20th annual "Freshman Year Student Outreach Program (or FYSOP) and did a bunch of interesting things like working in a food pantry, helping at the Red Cross, and visiting city facilities on one of the Boston Harbor islands. Classes started Aug 31 and Susan reports by email and "in person" on Skype how interesting her courses are and how much she likes it at BU!

Photos: These bins made moving in a lot easier! The world map is a tip-off to the interest in a possible major in International Relations.

Schooner without its skipper

2009-08-31T20:25:00.013-04:00

Laura saw Ted Kennedy's boat once. Here it is a blue-hulled schooner named Mya as seen from our tour boat out of Hyannis on a 2001 trip to Cape Cod. Her skipper now will return no more.
As I watched the wake on Friday evening and the funeral and burial on Saturday I couldn't help thinking of my parents and my Aunt Agnes. Somehow I had the feeling I was watching it for them as well as for me.
At some point, it popped into my head that we had actually seen Teddy Kennedy's boat once and that I might have a picture. A quick search of the near morass of boxes upon boxes of old film camera prints turned up the photo in short order with a bit of luck.
Laura was six and half then. We stayed in a lovely and memorable house, the "Quivett Creek House" in East Dennis. Most of my pictures of Laura from that trip are of her darting away up a path or whirling out of view in the house.
Photos: Mya resting on her mooring in 2001 near the Kennedy compound in Hyannisport; this beautiful view of the marsh awaited every morning in the Quivett Creek House; Laura (in orange shirt) runs up the steps of the Province Lands visitors center of CCNS; Laura outside the Brewster Store (click on any picture to get enlarged view.)

In loving memory...on Cape Cod

2009-08-21T07:56:00.007-04:00

As we mentioned on the Caringbridge site, just wanted to share with you the memorial brick for Laura at the new Education Center of the Thornton Burgess Society in Sandwich, Cape Cod, Mass.

With Hurricane Bill to pass by the Cape this weekend, the waves should be picking up. Cape lovers may want to keep an eye on the beach cam by clicking here periodically over the weekend.

Giverny

2009-08-11T19:25:00.012-04:00

Another long ago thread of interest was picked up when I spent first an afternoon in the musee d'Orsay in Paris to see the Impressionist paintings there and then made the day trip to Giverny, Claude Monet's home, about an hour away by train. The gardens at Giverny were more lovely than I imagined; the plantings were dense with many colors and varieties of flowers. At the water lily pond there actually was a line to take a picture at one of the most photogenic vantage points. In Monet's house I especially enjoyed the bright yellow dining room with the traditional wheatback chairs. They were very strict in the house - absolutely no photos - quite a curious contrast to the Musee d'Orsay where in addition to the famous paintings being in much natural light flooding in from high windows, lines of tourists were continually snapping away at them with flash. Go figure.

At home we had a little print of the Monet scene of the child in the path between the sunflowers, emblematic to me of an idlyllic summer day in a child's life. It alway hung in Susan's room but somehow it always belonged to Susan and Laura both. I was determined to find the vantage point in Monet's garden for that very scene. Soon had it narrowed down. There were trees now in the way but they could have easily grown up over the years. I thought. Well, the roof didn't look exactly right but they must have changed the roofline, hmm. It had to be right-everything else looked just right-I told myself (ignoring even the stairs that can be spyed on closer inspection.) I must have had a nagging doubt though because I decided to ask. Oh no, I learned, that scene was painted at Monet's earlier house at Vetheuil, about 20 miles away! I guess that is what I like about impressionist paintings-you can see your own dream in them!

Photos: Monet's Garden in Vetheuil, 1881; the scene at Giverny that had me fooled; the dining room in Monet's house (remember absolutely no photos-this is a picture of a postcard taken on my deck at home!); children in front of Monet paintings in Musee d'Orsay drawing with instructor-I was taken with the energy these children applied to their drawing. The most popular Monet prints are commonplace but if you are trying to get a handle on a less common one, this site might help.

Go figure runner-up: Did I see the original Monet's Garden at Vetheuil? No, the original is in the National Gallery of Art, Washington D.C. And where is that American icon "Whistler's Mother?" Yes, it's in the Musee d'Orsay!

Ketchup costs extra

2009-08-10T21:49:00.015-04:00

I continued to wonder what a young Laura would have eaten during this trip. (Nothing at all against French food of course; it was just that Laura was a picky eater.) I took to noticing what was on the plates of children at adjacent tables. Why, french fries, of course! That would have been fine with Laura. As suggestible as I am, next lunch I ordered french fries too. That's when I learned that there is often an extra charge for ketchup! That took me by surprise. It was mildly amusing and rather quaint! I think Laura would have enjoyed it.

Another interesting thing was the French credit card. It seems in order to be efficient and get a train ticket out of a machine and not wait in a long line, one had to have a French credit card. Not even a credit card issued in another European country would do (so we were told eventually) it had to be one issued in France. A tourist might be directed to the ticket machine and spend some time stepping through the menus to select their train ticket only to find out at the end their credit card would not work and they had wasted their time. At least at Versailles, they made it plain with a clear sign: French credit cards only! It seems they have chips in credit cards there while we still have the magnetic strip.
Photos: You'll need to click on the photo of the menu to see the one euro charge for ketchup on this menu

Land of inspiring Castles

2009-08-10T19:41:00.025-04:00

A long time ago, I had become keen to visit the Loire Valley. Years, decades past, and I never did get there. Now that chance arrived but only one day to do it in. Solution book a linkparis tour which offered a four chateau tour in one day with travel to the region by TGV. Not an urban sort by nature, I looked forward to this day in the country.

The thought occurred to me on this trip: if every little doll house that Susan and Laura once had looked like it had been modeled on buildings from Paris then their plastic toy My Little Pony and Barbie castles could have been inspired (sans the pink color!) by the grand limestone castles of the Loire. There's beautiful Chenonceau built over the water and approached by a broad woodland path; Amboise where Mary Queen of Scotts spent many of her growing up years; Chambord the largest with its double spiral stairway and Cheverny where the same family has lived for centuries and continues to keep its hunting dogs (whose feeding time is now made famous on youtube. ) Our lunch in the town of Amboise a treat with a just out of the oven quiche and a fresh salad. Delectable desserts too but I always like the macaroons in many flavors best.

Photos: Flags flying at Amboise; beautiful Chenonceau; detail of carving in limestone; quiche and salad for lunch in Amboise; macaroons on display; one little plastic castle still found in our basement: immense Chambord; some of the dogs at Cheverny waiting for feeding time.

2009-08-09T20:09:00.023-04:00

Yes, we did go to France too! Our base was at the Novotel in the Montparnasse section of Paris. The hotel was much to our liking and the neighborhood with its quaint Breton cafes soon felt like "our own." But to see Paris we were at peak season and we were much daunted by long seemingly stationary lines at famous Paris attractions. Tour bus to the rescue! I think the city is made to be seen from the upper deck of the tour bus. From no other vantage point could the Paris boulevards fanning our before you with their characteristic architecture and sidewalk cafes so dazzle the eye as they did when the tour bus swung into the plaza in front of the Opera House. The bus rumbled along up and down boulevards, back and forth over bridges across the Seine many times, revealing at every turn the monumental aspects of the city. Through the excellent narration heard by headphone in your language of choice we learned much about each point of interest. We also realized we were once more crossing Diana's path. There in the Place Vendome we glimpsed the Ritz Hotel from which Diana's vehicle emerged to be pursued by paparazzi to "meet her fate" as the tour narration put it. The famous tunnel where the accident occurred was also noted as we passed through the Place de l'Alma above it.
As we rode along, I thought of how glad I was that Laura enjoyed the film about France at the France pavilion at EPCOT on our trip there in 2006. I think she got a very nice feeling of France from it. A tear might sting my eye to think that Laura wasn't with us now but I somehow felt a kind of peace that such a trip as we were making was not a trip at least a young, homeloving Laura would have wanted to take. Perhaps, now at nearly age 15 it would have been different. I consoled myself thinking that Laura, a selective and particular eater, would have barely eaten a thing, except maybe bread, at least at first. I'm not sure she would have even liked the Breton cheese crepes (more specifically, buckwheat "galettes") served in in the Breton cafes with cider which Susan and I enjoyed.
Want a little taste of Paris for the young folk? There's always the old Disney animated film, the Aristocats. I don't remember Laura watching it but Susan saw it countless times as a small child. Our metro station, Pasteur, seemed to remind her of a scene of the butler going into the Metro in the Aristocats and she often mentioned it.
-To be continued-next-the Loire Valley

Photos: A tour bus ( we actually took the competing red line); view in the Tuileries towards the Louvre; in our neighborhood cafe, galettes and cider, food from the Brittany region of France.

Remembering Diana

2009-08-04T10:43:00.017-04:00

I usually have a couple of themes of interest that I am on the look out for in any trip. One of them for this trip was Princess Diana. It was one of those "you'll always remember where you were" days for me the day when the news broke that Princess Diana was dead. It seemed like an ordinary Sunday that 31st of August 1997. Laura was 2, almost 3 and Susan was 7; both were happily playing at home. That day I hadn't spoken to anyone and I hadn't turned on TV or heard any news. I headed into Williams Stationery to pick up our Sunday copy of the New York Times. The headline took me aback: Diana killed in car accident in Paris. An unaccustomed feeling of emotion as tears suddenly filled my eyes (little did I know that sudden tears would become a regular feature of my life with our own tragedy in the years to come.) Never quite did I forget the scenes in the days to come of the outpouring of emotion for the Princess. And so with this trip a hotel near Kensington Palace and Gardens was chosen so that we would be sure to see the palace gate where all the flowers were left; to be able to follow a part of the Diana Princess of Wales Memorial Walk; and to see the Diana Memorial Fountain.
Photos: marker for the many mile long Princess Diana Walk through London; approaching the Diana Memorial fountain; children frolic in the memorial fountain.

Way to Windsor

2009-08-04T09:57:00.010-04:00

I was keen to go to Windsor Castle so we had a day trip planned there. Mostly I knew about the Changing of the Guard held there and about the fire there a number of years ago. I didn't realize how many other fascinating things we would find it especially St. George Chapel within the Castle precincts. To think we would be walking right over the grave of Henry the VIII! It was right in the walkway in the inner sanctum of the Chapel where the Order of the Garter meets every June. The remains of many kings and queens are here including Queen Elizabeth's father and mother (George VI and the Queen Mother (also Elizabeth) and the Queen's sister Margaret. After our tour we had a very nice al fresco lunch. Suse did some shopping and got a pair of boots on sale that she would wear for much of the trip.

Photos: Susan looks out from the train; waiting for the Changing of the Guard parade; crowds follow the Guard (I had this Wizard of Oz kind of feeling at this moment!); cat in the streets of Windsor; children at the next table at lunch.

Return to Cambridge

2009-08-04T09:01:00.020-04:00

After a quick tour past famous points in London and dealing with our jet lag, we were ready for our day trip by train to Cambridge. Tony was looking forward to showing Susan and me Cambridge University and Trinity College where he got his advanced degrees. Classes were not in session but the town and University and colleges were lively and filled with people. Downpours came periodically throughout the day and hundreds of umbrellas would pop up as undeterred visitors continued to pour through the streets. We visited the quad and buildings of Trinity College and saw where Tony had his rooms as a student. Another highlight of the day was taking part in the traditional activity of "punting on the Cam," which Tony, like most students here, used to do. Our punt was from the Trinity College dock where each had a name related to the number 3, for Trinity (like three "Little Kittens", "French Hens" or "Magi""). The punt given to us was "Step to Heaven" which seemed significant.
We paused to look at the centuries old Eagle Tavern where US Airmen and RAF wrote messages on the ceiling before their missions and where Watson and Crick used to have a beer in the days when they were discovering DNA.
Photos: some scenes around Cambridge and of punting on the Cam River; scenes at the Eagle Tavern in Cambridge.

Bound for London

2009-08-04T07:57:00.015-04:00

It was going to the first major sort of trip since Laura's death. I had to take something of Laura with us so that she might ride silently along in spirit. We were going to London and then to Paris, to make various day trips from each into the surrounding areas. (Tony and Susan would also go on to Switzerland but I would return home after Paris.) Should I take the silver star locket holding her ashes? I had always imagined I would. But the past weeks of preparation where many of the most common google searches in this household of not recent travellers began with "TSA..." (like TSA umbrella, TSA contact lens solution...) had me doubtful for any number of reasons that I could be 100% sure that the locket could stay with me. Could not become comfortable that the locket would not be questioned so decided Laura would ride on our luggage in special tags with her picture. I would also bring a lock of her hair (from the long pieces we saved when her long hair was cut short in anticipation of the total hair loss after the first round of the heavy chemo that began her treatment.) I was remembering the lock of angel Lucas's hair brought to Hawaii by his family member some time ago and I had just read how friend's of angel Erin put her picture on their luggage when they recently took a Northern European cruise.
Photos: Laura photo on a luggage tag and ready to board; the star locket holding some of Laura's ashes which remained at home.

Wherever you go...

2009-07-15T21:03:00.009-04:00

....have a great vacation!

Even if you are at your desk or have no trip in prospect you can visit one of Laura's favorite beaches, the Coast Guard Beach, by clicking right here. Come back and click on it again another time and you might be rewarded with a different view. And in this article and its related features you might find yourself plumbing deeper into some of the special beauties of the Cape. You would think we are heading to Cape Cod but we are not....we are going somewhere else. Details in coming weeks...

2009-07-14T21:31:00.003-04:00

Bee Balm (monarda) a lovely part of the summer scene on Southfield Road

Hydrangea Days

2009-07-02T21:25:00.014-04:00

Late June, early July the hydrangeas come into bloom. Nowhere I know do hydrangeas flourish like they do on the Cape, Laura's favorite place. Looking back on Laura's last visit to the Cape, late June 2006. Please see a related Hydrangea Days entry on Caringbridge by clicking here.
Photos: Laura with hydrangeas on the path to the bay beach, Ocean Edge, Brewster Mass (photo by me); scenes of Laura on the Ocean Edge path and close-up of hydrangea in bloom (photos by Ellen Hanson).

On the way to work

2009-06-29T22:19:00.003-04:00

on one of those gray rainy days we had so many of recently, I came upon this bear taking off after he had ransacked a Kingsland Rd resident's garbage.

Thriller

2009-06-26T21:27:00.003-04:00

What...a Halloween picture of Suse and Laura in June? What you have to imagine about this picture of the year we participated in the time honored Halloween "Tailgate" at RVS is that this was my opportunity to play Michael Jackson's "Thriller" over and over as loud as we could. The Tailgate had hardly begun. We had just gotten set up with our friends the Simpsons in the van next to us.. Soon dark would fall and long lines of witches, "Screams" (popular then), assorted ghouls, princesses and all manner of characters were snaking past the vans, suvs and trucks decorated to the Halloween max with jack o lanterns and scary creatures (ours was a very modest entry), the trick or treaters filling their bags with candy as they went. The absolute ultimate music to play at the RVS tailgate was "Thriller." Laura may not have known much about Michael Jackson but she sure knew "Thriller." I have to admit I made a point of playing it loudly in the car every Halloween. Rest in peace, Michael Jackson. We will never stop playing "Thriller."

Pomp and Circumstance

2009-06-23T08:42:00.006-04:00

Images of the pagaentry of Susan's high school graduation last night continue to fill my thoughts this morning. Thanks to Nancy and Suzanne for attending with us. Congratulations to Susan and her classmates - "Top of the line, Class of '09!"

Omakase

2009-06-19T20:22:00.005-04:00

About a year ago, I heard about a Japanese word with a concept behind it that I thought could be the theme of something to say to Laura's class as they graduated from Rockaway Valley School. The thought stayed with me and in recent weeks "pen went to paper" and it came together. I showed Dr. Humphrey my draft and she supported it (thank you Dr. Humphrey!) Last night was the RVS graduation and I did manage to keep my composure and present it. To share with you now, please click here to go to today's Caringbridge entry for the text of "Omakase."

Congratulations to all the students of RVS class of 2009 with special congratulations to the recipients of the 2009 Laura Stiles Principal's Award!

Photos: Laura in the Japanese garden at EPCOT; the 2009 recipients of the Laura Stiles Principal's Award.

Remembered at the Banquet

2009-06-14T21:02:00.011-04:00

It's hard to capture how much it meant for Laura to be remembered as her class celebrated their upcoming graduation from RVS. Thanks so much to Annie T for creating such a beautiful photo collage of Laura. And for the photo poster of Laura with her classmates over the years. There's more about this wonderful event on the caringbridge site click here and go to journal then the June 14 journal entry.

Lemonade Days 2009

2009-06-14T16:54:00.003-04:00

The on and off rainy weather continued on Saturday but it didn't seem to dampen enthusiasm for Alex's Lemonade Stand. I worked with a very pleasant and interested group of people at Starbucks in Denville. Their customers were very generous to the stand. It was nice to see people I knew who stopped by and also to speak with those who took an interest in the photos of Laura and Tyler.

Photos before the prom

2009-06-08T21:25:00.006-04:00

Last Saturday was the senior prom for Susan's Mtn Lakes HS class. All over our area, around 5:30 PM, groups of seniors and their families were converging in yards and houses for the traditional pre-prom photo taking. Susan and her group were meeting at the home of one of her friends in our neighborhood where a Kousa dogwood in bloom provided a lovely backdrop. It was quite a fun scene of parents turned mad photographers and the students looking so grown up and well turned out. Later on, I had an image in mind of a somewhat older and taller Laura, with one of her dear friends beside her, watching the unfolding scene with enjoyment from the yard's edge. The image was so clear and real, it was like a kind of waking dream.

Photos: Families and seniors getting ready to take photos; by the Kousa dogwood; getting on board the party bus the group rented for transport to Perona Farms; traveling in style.

Reunion

2009-05-31T17:12:00.005-04:00

I had a fabulous time yesterday at the 40th reunion of my 8th grade class. Eighth grade? Just as Laura and Susan had an elementary school that finished at 8th grade, so did I. It's a group brimming with enthusiasm, humor and nostalgia-and kindness and thoughtfulness. Though I hadn't seen many of them in years, many classmates reached out with kind words, thoughts and support when Laura passed away and they continue to remember her.

After compiling and sending along a picasweb slideshow of the evening for classmates, I turned today to read about my friends across the miles. On Erin's blog a very poignant entry which I invite you to read as well by clicking here.

vegetables

2009-05-24T09:47:00.009-04:00

We recently joined the Mountain Lakes Organic Food Co-op. I'm not much of a cook from scratch person (sounds nice in theory...but usually doesn't happen). It is a nicely run operation and very easy and convenient (easier than picking them out yourself in the supermarket!) Every other Friday we pick up our bag of organic vegetables and fruits at the appointed spot in Mtn Lakes. The selection is a little different every time and that it makes it fun. Of course everything reminds me of Laura, this experience no exception. This time it brought memories of little Laura dressed in cute little vegetable garden theme outfits. We had I think every single piece in this Oshkosh collection including hat and socks. Suse had them too in more grown up school age child versions. I still have many of these favorite clothes from Laura and Suse's early years, most of them Oshkosh with cute themes like the this vegetable garden one. I plan to keep them always! Shown here a sample of a few of them, and the only scanned photo I have of little Laura in one of them. Though she is frowning, I still like the purposeful way she is walking down the backyard path in Aunt Agnes's yard in Weatherly, PA.
Susan has taking care of so many things on her own these days. She's arranging to get the limo for their group going to the prom, taking care of getting her prom dress hemmed, making her own appointments for things that she needs to do. She goes to the store for us. If we want an exact specific item from the store that could be confused with something else on the shelf, she takes a digital picture of it for reference and off she goes.

2009-05-20T09:18:00.005-04:00

Shasta viburnum in bloom in our yard and weigela from our neighborhood

Writing on the wall

2009-05-13T20:25:00.010-04:00

Usually children should not write on walls. But I know of one place where that is ok. In our basement in a windowless room where the furnace resides, there is a wall where over the years children in the house have written their names and doodled. A mayor of Boonton Township was the first to own our house and it was his children who started the tradition.
Some task took me into the furnace room the other day. I knew Laura and Susan had written there on the "wall" but to what extent I had forgotten.
I was completely delighted to re-discover Laura's drawing of our family circa 2003 when Laura was a second grader. Laura captured the pets very well in her depiction: Pepper the cat so calm and friendly while littermate Daisy is her typical "scaredy" with "claws out!" Hope you enjoy this re-found drawing of Laura's!

Drawings: The whole family and closer shot of Laura and Suse with pets. Click on image for larger view.

Kwanzan Cherry trees are blooming

2009-04-27T20:42:00.009-04:00

After a mostly cool and damp spring, we had a sudden onset of a few days of hot summery weather. The 32nd annual Woods and Lakes Run seemed like the hottest ever. Susan and friends were great helpers with the water station and guiding the runners at the trail intersections on the course. It's Monday now and it seems like the Kwanzan cherry trees that dot our landscape and that are abundantly found along my commute through Parsippany are suddenly flowering. The old Kwanzan in our yard that Laura much admired is blooming and Laura's memorial tree is just on the verge. Every year Laura would worry that the cherry tree in our yard wasn't going to bloom. But it always did.

Photos: Kwanzan cherry blossoms up close; baby Laura and our family in 1995 with our cherry tree behind; a view of the old cherry tree. Click once on photo for larger view.

Woods and Lakes Run then...

2009-04-22T21:24:00.003-04:00

For maybe twenty years, we've been associated with our local annual 10 K race, the Woods and Lakes Run. That goes back before cancer, before children.
Except for the year that Laura was diagnosed, we always helped as race workers. The girls were part of it from a young age. With the 4th Saturday of April this weekend, it's time for the Woods and Lakes Run again. Once more I'll remember how Laura used to help at the water station with Susan all those years and how we enjoyed the picnic for the helpers afterwards on the shores of Crystal Lake.

Every year, about the second week of April or so, the phone would ring in the evening around 8 or 8:30. I always knew who was calling. It would be Steve Pottash the race director confirming our participation running the water station and the Tourne volunteers. This year Steve didn't call. For last September Steve had died. Steve the fitness trainer and perennial cyclist had made an appointment with a cardiologist but it wasn't soon enough. Steve will be remembered this Saturday at the Woods and Lakes run.

Photos: Susan and Laura at their water station post; after the race, Susan (left) and Laura, with bag of popcorn, on the shore of Crystal Lake.

trip to Boston then Montreal

2009-04-19T20:16:00.005-04:00

Photos: From last weekend's trip to Boston for the admitted student open house at BU and then an excursion to Montreal.
Susan after the Study Abroad presentation at BU; scenes in Old Montreal, including "Chez Suzette" where we had a cheese fondue; Susan was delighted to find a store specializing in cupcakes!

Signs of spring

2009-04-18T10:37:00.003-04:00

Tears falling in NJ for Erin

2009-04-11T13:47:00.006-04:00

Erin Buenger (June 20, 1997-April 9, 2009)
NJ friends of Erin are deeply saddened. Tears kept springing all weekend whether I was in Boston, in Vermont or in Montreal. Please click here for article about Erin (you may have to click on close welcome page in upper right hand corner to get to the article.) If you check google news and enter Erin's name, you will be able to see the televised story.

A visit to New York

2009-04-05T22:34:00.010-04:00

Yesterday afternoon, Susan and I went to NYC to meet up with the Hanson family, in town for the weekend. We met on the steps of the Museum of Natural History and together toured the Hall of African Animals, one of the Dinosaur Halls and, the special exhibit, the Butterfly Conservatory. Inside the warm and humid vivarium, about 500 butterflies of various species flitted about among the pink flowers of pentas plants and sometimes chose to alight on the outstretched hand of an eager child, or the head of an unsuspecting adult. I think it was enjoyed by all and we were so glad to see Ellen and the kids.
Photos: Yesterday, in the Dinosaur Hall; and reaching out to the butterflies in the vivarium ; and looking back to June 2006, Laura with the Hanson family in Brewster, Mass.

A cold spring day in Plymouth

2009-03-22T11:55:00.016-04:00

It was 1999 or 2000 and we made a springtime trip to Cape Cod and Plymouth. '"Rediscovered" these photos after they were recently scanned again but from the negatives instead of the prints revealing a depth of detail previously not evident. These pictures really take me back to that cold but bright spring day and to our life as it was then in the "growing up" years. (Click on each photo to get the nice larger view and use scroll bars to see the whole picture.)

Photos: Laura on the Mayflower II, modern replica of the Mayflower; view of Plimouth Plantation from the watchtower; Laura and Suse examine the old cannon in the tower.

At the Service Fair

2009-03-21T10:24:00.011-04:00

First, a big thank you to our Boonton Township Boy Scout Troop for the generous donation to Alex's Lemonade Stand in memory of Laura. Here they are, nearly all 42 of them, in a photo outside the Parish House where they met recently. And it was a week ago now that we had our information table about Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation at the "Empty Bowls"/Service Fair event at the high school. To bring visitors to our table had a guess the number of jelly bean contest with this cute little duck I found in Williams Stationery store as one of the prizes (so cute-and it quacks too- bought another to keep in Laura's room). The event was packed and we had nonstop visitors looking at our Alex's Lemonade materials. If anything, it became too crowded to be conducive for visitors to read all the many posters we brought about ALSF and childhood cancer. While all my very enthusiastic helpers were taking care of the table, I toured the displays of the other organizations represented. One that interested me was the local Roots and Wings Foundation which provides mentoring and support to young adults coming out of a childhood of foster care.
Suse gave blood for the first time this past week. We're very proud of her!

2009-03-03T20:44:00.007-05:00

2009-03-02T20:37:00.009-05:00

It was an essential part of Laura's day, especially during treatment, to thoroughly peruse the newspaper comics. Laura liked cartoons and comics in books and magazines too. Especially appealing, and at times mysterious to Laura in their meaning, were the cartoons in the New Yorker. We had the New Yorker cat calendar one year and there was one particularly memorable cartoon that Laura and the rest of us liked.
By arrangement with the Cartoon Bank, we will bring you that very cartoon in the next post. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did. (Hint: if you are a cat owner, we are sure you will.)

Photos: Laura during her first hospitalization for diagnosis of neuroblastoma (May 2005) reading her comics. And in December 2006 during her final hospitalization, Laura reading what would be her last Sunday comics, with her sister Suse by her side.

Scenes from a Snow Day

2009-03-02T19:36:00.012-05:00

"Sled Dog" weather on the way

2009-03-01T10:30:00.006-05:00

Winter storm warning in effect. They say there is a lot of snow on the way for us. Sure to be a delight for dogs that love snow
It's been two full years, and two full months, without Laura now. Three times the snows have fallen and I could only dream of the delight in Laura's eye as she surveyed the snow from our window. Three winters when I could only just touch the snowpants and jackets in the closet, and not see a young girl carefully donning her layers, her boots, mittens and hat, to step out into the snowy world she so loved to explore.
A friend and former colleague from work passed away recently. I attend the memorial service, see old friends. I try to support the family as best I can, not trusting that people will see the obituary, I call and email people I haven't spoken to in years. It turns out most of them did not know, would not have heard so soon otherwise. Something I have learned from our own sad experience. It's worth it to make that extra effort to let people know. It brings the possibility of a broader circle reaching out to the bereaved family and it is a good deed one can do.
It's now three people who once signed the book at Laura's visitation and Memorial Service, who were there with us in our sorrow then but who are now gone themselves.

Some new four footed friends

2009-02-22T17:01:00.011-05:00

I think of how Laura would have enjoyed seeing some of the new four-footed friends we've met. There's Lilac, Dandelion, and Daffodil, the hardy Shetland Sheep.

And Pumpkin, the calico kitten.

2009-02-22T16:55:00.005-05:00

Been trying to get a decent photo of the cardinals that frequent the yard-but no luck. Thanks to our neighbor for this photo of a cardinal.
It turns out cardinals are non migratory and live their whole lives within an area of a few square miles. It reminds me of Laura who lived her whole life in just one house.

Winter break 2009

2009-02-18T20:24:00.003-05:00

There's a world of trouble out there. The pictures will haunt us, the thoughts will haunt us. Photos of a tangle of burned out cars, all that remains for some of a desperate attempt to flee a raging fire, those terrible bush fires in Victoria, Australia.

The young will be young. It's winter break and time to go somewhere if the opportunity presents. While older folk work and count themselves fortunate to have a job that totally absorbs them and nearly all the hours of their day, young folk take off for the slopes. Guided only by GPS (no maps! who needs them anymore!) Suse and her friend Rachel hit the road for a ski trip in Vermont. Seniors in high school both, they are quite responsible young ladies. A photo of them today at Okemo in Ludlow Vermont.

Laura winter 2004 on the Great Beach of Cape Cod

2009-02-04T19:18:00.015-05:00

It just took briefly overhearing in a radio weather forecast the words: ...snow on the coast..." and I was back there... Back to the February 2004 visit to Cape Cod with Laura. Though the beast was lurking within her at some microscopic level, we were all blissfully ignorant at the time. Laura seemed very healthy and happy.
Happy very much so, here visiting one of her favorite places, Cape Cod, the place that since she was very young, she had maintained she wanted to live someday.

A Cape Cod snow fall. People cross country skiing to the beach. Laura running on ahead down to the Coast Guard Beach. Laura running back and forth along the waves, just as I had known her to do since she was very little.

Five years ago now since she ran so joyfully along this beach. Over two years now since she's been gone. Laura's classmates have grown and matured. She must look very young to them in these photos

With these photos, I hope you can go "back" too. I hope you like them. I think Laura would be pleased to know you did.

For a larger image of most photos in this blog, click on any individual photo. Laura is in every one of the photos above!

2009-01-28T12:39:00.005-05:00

"The entire world is a ...collection of memoranda that she did exist and that I have lost her."
from Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Praise for "Air and Simple Gifts"

2009-01-21T21:43:00.008-05:00

I don't like to think of Laura missing things happening in life in the world around us now so I don't often have (or want to have) the agonizing thought: "this particular thing I wish she could have seen or heard."
Most things I rationalize are not so unique that she didn't witness some other version of it in her life. Up to now the only thing that fell outside my rationalization net in these last two years was the Opening Ceremony to the Beijing Olympics. The drummers. The drummers. She would have really liked that and that whole Opening Ceremony.
Inauguration Day yesterday. Had that same kind of thought during the playing of "Air and Simple Gifts." Laura would have enjoyed the synchrony of the musicians and their joy, their clothing ruffling in the wind in the cold and bright air. In the months before her death, on long car rides, to and from CHOP, Laura would ask for the Yo Yo Ma CD to be played. It was a Silk Road Ensemble CD that we listened to, the Distant Green Valley the track she wanted to hear.
Had that thought again hearing "Air and Simple Gifts." She would have liked this. And so I invite you to listen again and see and hear the joy of the musicians as I think Laura would have.(click on the in text link in the preceding sentence to get to a youtube video of it.)

2009-01-20T08:01:00.003-05:00

Happy Inauguration Day!
Suse and I were this close to Obama one year ago during the NH Primary campaign. We were packed in with the throng in the Nashua NH high school gym on the front line to greet Obama who was surrounded by the many Secret Service agents visible in this photo (our photo but we are not in the photo.)

2009-01-18T19:47:00.001-05:00

Photo: Skaters and dog on Griffiths Pond today

2009-01-10T18:10:00.003-05:00

"The meadow mouse has slept in his snug gallery in the sod, the owl has sat in a hollow tree in the depth of the swamp, the rabbit, the squirrel, and the fox have all been housed. The watch-dog has lain quiet on the hearth, and the cattle have stood silent in their stalls. The earth itself has slept... But while the earth has slumbered, all the air has been alive with feathery flakes descending, as if some northern Ceres reigned, showering her silvery grain over all the fields." -Henry David Thoreau from A Winter Walk

2009-01-07T21:40:00.010-05:00

Ice storm last night. All vegetation, cars, anything outside was encased in ice. Didn't get warm enough today for the ice to go away. Driveway is a sheet of ice - with water on top from today's rain. Have new assignment at work-very intensive with demanding schedule. Not much to say right now since quite tired!

Friday update: Last night owls were calling, one very close by to another further away. It is the time of year for that. And a good time to remember a favorite book of Laura's, Owl Moon. There's a copy in the Rockaway Valley School library, donated by us in her memory. Will listen for the owls again tonight. That song from the 1970's, Wildfire, comes to mind; "There's been a hoot owl howlin' by my window now for six nights in a row..."

Soon will do my 2008 "Hall of Angels" on Laura's Caringbridge site ...

Photo: Branches of Japanese Maple tree in our yard encased in ice. Cover of Owl Moon by Jane Yolen(click on this link and watch the owl!)

2009-01-04T19:45:00.006-05:00

Before Griffiths Pond iced over there was a swan there for a few days swimming with the buffleheads. This was before Christmas. The swan is gone now. It reminds me of the loss of someone so beautiful so important to me that the world seems forever dimmed without her.
Been trying to keep very busy working around the house. Made a small dent in the basement but that's all it will be-back to work tomorrow! Think about Laura all the time. Sifting through papers, today I found a list of flower names she wrote out: "lavender, glory bush, jasmine, rosemary, coreopsis, violets, thyme, wisteria, bluebells, trumpet vine, sunflower, cosmos, coneflower." I think she was suggesting them for our garden or they were ones she liked. It's like finding a little blueprint by Laura.

There were many neuroblastoma angels last year. Many I have not met or known of for it has been over 2 years since Laura passed away. Eden Adams became an angel a few days ago. Though we did not meet, I think she was also at CHOP around the time we were in 2006.
Eden was one of the children who was present at the signing of the Conquer Childhood Cancer Act. If you look in Eden's blog and scroll down there is a picture of her I especially like where she is sitting by a bonfire. Rest in peace, sweet Eden.

2008-12-31T13:37:00.043-05:00

We made it to Vermont for Christmas 2008 as we had a number of times over the years when Laura was with us. Reminders of Laura seem more keen during winter visits to Vermont. This time I quietly reflected and looked back in my memories as we drove past places we once all stayed for ski trips (going back a number of years before cancer) like The Woods on the access road, past stores and ski shops where Laura was with us as we browsed, and right on by restaurants like the Baja Burrito where Laura was with us for a memorable meal after a day enjoyed outdoors.

This photo of Suse and Tony in 2008 is taken not far from where Laura once slowed down to a snowplow to have her picture taken by the on slope photographer in 2004.

At the house, the 2nd bathroom renovation has just been completed. We marvel at the results.
The whole family, Laura included, picked out the tiles in 2004. All of us liked the pattern of sea creature fossils. (To see the pattern, click on one of the photos.) Plans were made then and the tiles bought but all that came to a halt and was forgotten when Laura was diagnosed in May 2005. In our world since Dec 2006 without Laura, nothing mattered anymore, but eventually in 2008, going ahead with the renovation and using those tiles that we already owned afforded a kind of project, something to occupy our time.

For Christmas dinner, we put out Sleighride china just as we did nearly every Christmas of Laura's life. It was while shopping in 1995 accompanied by little baby Laura that I first saw and became entranced with this pattern which seemed to capture the beauty of the season and winter.

After this year's initially good snow cover becoming greatly diminished by rain, we decided to head home. But first a visit to the town transfer station (many small rural NE towns have no garbage pickup in my experience) an activity that starts out as a chore but proves to be interesting with seeing the many recycling options available (just some shown here.)

The drive from central Vermont is a 250 mile trip and just 15 miles from home, a sudden surprise -a flat tire. Luckily we were right next to an exit ramp and could pull right off I-287 into the conveniently located Stop and Shop parking lot in Wanaque, New Jersey. I used to sometimes worry that a flat tire or a breakdown would happen when driving Laura during her illness on those 100 miles trips to Philly or back and forth to Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York but it never did. But if it should ever happen to anyone, I hope it will go as well as this flat tire did. The local towing contractor, Towing King of Bloomingdale, was driving past the supermarket when it received the call from AAA and pulled in immediately. Here a photo of the scene: the towman lowering the spare "donut" tire from under the back of the Venture minivan while Suse keeps Sam (in his crate) occupied with some kibble dole-outs.

Last night as we watched the 1951 Alastair Sim version of A Christmas Carol, I sadly reflected that it has been nine years now since my father died. This movie was a favorite of my father's and growing up, we often watched this movie with him if we could. My father was an avid reader and his volumes of Dickens and other books found around the living room seemed almost like part of the furniture of my childhood to me.

New Year's Eve today and our world here in Boonton Township is once again snow covered.
Right: The ghost of Jacob Marley visits Scrooge (from Wikimedia images)

2008-12-22T08:39:00.007-05:00

Laura, You've been gone two years today but you are always with us.

You are like my "silent companion" - in some way part of everything I do.

Rest in peace, gentle Laura.

Photo above: Candlelight Walk 2008 in memory of Laura (click once on photo for full screen view then turn off lights and view (use scroll bars to see all) in dark room-you might find you feel like you were there with us!)

More photos of Candlelight Walk 2008 are linked in below as a slideshow. The walk was on a theme of A Charlie Brown Christmas and we sang O Christmas Tree and Hark the Herald Angels Sing at Laura's gravesite.

For a slide show of the evening, please click here and then click on "slideshow."

Snow day!

2008-12-19T12:49:00.006-05:00

We're having a snow day here today with four to eight inches projected. Enjoy the snow day everyone!

Photo: a lighted tree in our yard; just as Laura might have once seen it, the bend in Pepperidge Road with light snow cover; Mrs. Hammell's field as viewed from the bend, sometimes a fox will be spotted in that field. Click on any photo for large view-you will feel like you are right on Pepperidge Road!

Congratulations to Suse!

2008-12-15T20:39:00.002-05:00

Congratulations to Suse! She received the word today that she has been accepted early decision to Boston University, her first choice! Laura must be smiling tonight and so proud of her big sister!

Photo: Suse in her dorm room last summer while in a summer high school student program at BU.

Return to the two cities: New York and Philadelphia

2008-12-14T13:41:00.013-05:00

Went to Philadelphia again this year for the Candlelight Vigil at CHOP as part of Worldwide Children's Memorial Day.

Have been back to NYC in the past two years but hadn't been back to the midtown area of which there are keen memories of times there with Laura. It was just two years ago that we had a wonderful evening with Laura going to the Christmas show at Radio City and there were other memories as well of seeing shows and going to Times Square to go to the Hello Kitty (actually Sanrio) store. Suse and I went into NYC this past Friday to meet up with our friend Chris and see the Van Gogh exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA). Looking out the window of the train on the way in brought back one memory after another, of Laura, and even of other events in life from long ago. The train rushed past St. Hubert's in Madison where Kirby our corgi went through all her dog training classes with Laura watching proudly as Kirby reached her Canine Good Citizen award. On we went past the Short Hills pharmacy where I used to go to get Laura's cyclophosphamide 25 mg tablets (only place in area that had them.) Into NYC and then onto the uptown E train only to impulsively get off the subway one stop early. We walked upstairs to the street to find we were staring right at the Gershwin Theater, home of Wicked. (There would be other reminders of Wicked like this neat taxi sign.)

Joining Chris, we headed into the museum and into the Van Gogh exhibit, the Colors of the Night. The displays of his letters and of some of the books he liked to read were nearly as fascinating as the well known paintings. MOMA has a great online show Colors of the Night with audio in which you can see nearly everything you would see in person. Through the process of seeing the exhibit I began to relax and warm up somewhat to the festive environment in that part of the city. We enjoyed walking around Rockefeller Center area and having a nice dinner at Cucina in the GE building.

It's Sunday now and almost time to get ready to leave for my second city this weekend...

Photos: Candlelighting ceremony at CHOP (one photo from 2008 and one from 2007);Laura and Suse in lobby of Radio City during the Christmas Show, December 2006; a scene from the 2006 Christmas show; a "wicked" green taxi in 2008 ; we are outside the Van Gogh exhibit (no photos within); catalog of the exhibit; and in front of the tree.

The Star-Ledger photos of Laura at RVS 11/30/2006

2008-12-07T13:00:00.009-05:00

Photos by Bob Sciarrino of the Star-Ledger - one day in Laura's life, November 30, 2006, going to school and then to the Valerie Center for a transfusion. This was three weeks before Laura passed away from the neuroblastoma that had resisted all treatments. Some photos you may remember from the Star-Ledger article that appeared on December 23, 2006; others have not been seen before. More photos are in the slideshow-to view all these photos, click here and then click slideshow for best viewing. Thanks to Bob for providing these photos for posting here and thanks again to Bob and to Paula Saha, reporter and writer, for telling Laura's story in the Dec. 23, 2006 article in the Star-Ledger-"Weaving a web of comfort when cancer strikes a child."

A Charlie Brown Christmas and other thoughts

2008-12-02T22:34:00.008-05:00

In a few days I should be ready to post some very special photos, some of them never shown before. They are the pictures of Laura at RVS taken by Star-Ledger photographer Bob Sciarrino at the end of November 2006. I am very grateful to Bob for providing them to us to show here on the blog. So I hope you will check back in a few days to see these photos which capture so much of Laura.

We had a rainy day Sunday with snow on the ground to start. The red berries of the winterberry bushes on Old Denville Road looked very pretty as always. I believe I used to point them out to Laura as we drove by.

This time of year I usually pull out a favorite seasonal CD for listening to in the car. Should I dare to listen to the Starbucks 1997 offering of the original soundtrack of A Charlie Brown Christmas, which Laura often asked for and so loved to listen to going back and forth to Sloan Kettering in late 2005? Tears most certainly guaranteed to spring especially if listened to while cruising along Interstate 80 just as we often did in 2005 on the many trips back and forth to NYC around that time. Or should I play it safe and listen to George Winston's December as I have for many years going back before Laura and even Suse were born? We'll see...and if they sound interesting, I recommend both highly!

Memories of the Christmas Parade

2008-11-28T19:02:00.005-05:00

It's the Saturday after Thanksgiving and time for the annual Boonton Christmas Parade sponsored by the Fire Department. Laura and Suse used to march those years they were girl scouts and so it holds special memories. The parade route ended at Santaland and what a great scene it was with the swarms of people, children and marchers getting refreshments, waiting to see Santa, mingling and talking, and walking around in every direction among the Santaland features.

Somehow this year I can't run the risk of even hearing the parade. The sounds of drumming and music ride over the hills and can be heard at our house. I just don't want to go there where the parade music could take me. The memories are mostly happy but somehow I have an instinct I'll feel better if don't hear it. I have something to do a few towns away at that time and that is for the best.

Happy memories: Daisy Troop 655 marched as reindeer and Laura (in pink coat) was Rudolf in a Boonton Christmas Parade many years ago (2000?)

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-25T22:39:00.010-05:00

Laura liked to pick out gourds and small pumpkins in the fall and for Thanksgiving. She usually reminded me to get some Indian corn too for hanging on the door. This is my Thanksgiving arrangement of gourds and corn and white turnips too, put together in her honor. At her grave, the mums are dried and spent, as they could be expected to be this late in November and as such they will carry on their vigil at her grave through Thanksgiving. The holiday's passage is noted there with a balloon and some gourds to be added for the day. At the last visit, we had some loud company in the nearby sugar maple tree. It was a Pileated Woodpecker hammering away in search of some dinner.

With the cold weather, there's a skim of ice on Griffiths Pond. A Hooded Merganser had joined the Buffleheads there the other day but now none of them are in evidence. But the weather is set to moderate and I expect to see them again.

Memories of Thanksgiving past: Here is Little Laura with Grandma and Grandpa and, in the other photo, 9 year old Laura has some fun, popping up from a hiding place behind the table.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone with special thoughts for those keenly feeling a recent loss, whether they are from our town, or from across the miles, and whether an old friend or new.

Laura's Pumpkin Pie

2008-11-23T11:11:00.010-05:00

It was two years ago that Laura was still able to get to school part of the day and go a few places. She was walking around with neuroblastoma spread throughout her body, in most of her bones, in her bone marrow, and insidiously spreading in soft tissue and in her liver. Thanks to Zometa, her bone pain was controlled. She was walking around with platelets in the single digits. She could not tolerate even oral chemo anymore. Here is Laura in late November of 2006 working on a project for school with her trusty friend, Pepper, alongside.

It's time to get ready for Thanksgiving. What would Laura have put in the shopping cart? Besides ingredients for the pumpkin pie, Laura always reminded me to get some refrigerator crescent dinner rolls which she liked to make. Since they were little, Laura and Suse always liked to have a Shirley Temple with a special dinner and as they became older, they made the Shirley Temples themselves, very much enjoying the pretty and festive drink. Our way of making it was just to mix some grenadine syrup into ginger ale until you got the pretty color. (P.S Commercial grenadine syrup is highly sweetened. A less sweet alternative might be to use pomegranate juice which is what grenadine syrup was originally made of.)

The rest of the dinner included for us such ordinary things as celery and olives, Ocean Spray jellied cranberry sauce, numerous vegetables including little white onions (just boiled or in some kind of white sauce) as well as all the traditional items.

Laura felt well enough that Thanksgiving of 2006 to stand up and help make a pumpkin pie. This is the recipe we used from an ad in a magazine. We made it last year and will make it again this year. It's called Perfect Pumpkin Pie but it really now is "Laura's Pumpkin Pie."

Laura's Pumpkin Pie

1 ready made graham cracker pie crust

1 egg yolk slightly beaten

1 egg slightly beaten

1 can (15 oz.) pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix)

1 can (14 0z.) sweetened condensed milk

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ginger

Brush bottom and sides of crust with 1 egg yolk. Place on baking sheet. Bake at 350 for 5 minutes. Remove from oven

In large bowl whisk together 1 egg, pumpkin, sweetened condensed milk, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt and ginger until combined. Pour into crust. Bake on baking sheet at 350 degrees F about 50 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Cool for 1 hour. Refrigerate at least 2 hours. Garnish as desired. Store in refrigerator.

2008-11-16T13:39:00.008-05:00

Before we leave fall altogether (and after days of rain and wind, cold air is set to move in), one last look at the leaves under the Japanese Maple in our yard, the tree that afforded a friendly perch to take in the world and was a favorite of Laura's.

Have a couple of different sort of Laura projects in the early stage that have been keeping me busy. Not sure yet how things will work out, so will describe at a later date!

This weekend has been centered around taking care of Suse as she recovers from having her four impacted wisdom teeth removed. She has needed a lot of pain medicine and I don't think she is going to be ready to go back to school tomorrow.

It was two years ago that we made an overnight trip to Long Branch, NJ so that Laura could enjoy looking out at the ocean. Long Branch was not too long a drive for an overnight trip as her Jersey shore favorite Cape May would have been. Our room at our hotel in Long Branch

was on a high floor and we had a great view of the beach and ocean. We had a fun dinner while looking out at the ocean. The next day we browsed around the trendy new shopping district. We looked but did not buy finding the stores very expensive. Of more interest were the statues of the Seven Presidents who used to frequent Long Branch in its heyday a century ago. The seven were Grant, Hayes, Garfield, Arthur, Harrison, McKinley and Wilson, and they are commemorated in larger than life statues looking out over the beach. (One statue shows up in one of the photos.)

Just wanted to point out that we have a Friends of Laura Stiles page at the Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation (ALSF) site. The link is over on the right side of the page with Laura's Caringbridge site and other links. You can see a slide show of the 2008 Lemonade Stands there. Though at this time of the year, we do not have any stands planned, we have included a fundraising page for ALSF. Also we will soon put up a Giving Tree page for the Children's Neuroblastoma Cancer Foundation where a $5 donation puts an ornament on her tree. Thank you for your support of the fight against neuroblastoma and childhood cancer in the upcoming holiday season!

2008-11-08T11:11:00.011-05:00

Laura's room has become a kind of sitting room for us. Nearly everything of Laura is still there: her collections, her books, stuffed animals, clothes and shoes still at the ready and, on display, many items from and about her life. She had a good little television and we often all gathered there to watch something together, and still do. There's a trio of photos propped up on the white chest in her room and every night when I turn off her little Hello Kitty lamp there, I say good night to her, speaking to those photos, including this one of her as a smiling 7 year old.

It's been raining and misting on and off for days now. What I used to call the "Misty Days", a brief season that we have most Novembers, that I was always eager to point out to the girls when they were young, and the occasion to quote them a favorite poem, "The Mist and All," by Dixie Willson.

Early November is the time the Japanese Maples around our yard seem to transform overnight from a somber shade of olive to a brilliant shades of red and orange. All of Laura's growing up years, she would have glimpsed the fiery color through our windows and admired it around our yard.

In the tangled garden, there's still a few roses blooming as well as snapdragons. And in the woods around our yard, the Witch Hazel are in bloom.

I wasn't going to go there but I will. It was two years ago that we slogged through the flooded roads, on a very rainy November day, fearing with the traffic we would miss the show Laura was so eager to see but we did make it, finding after long delays on NJ roads and at the Tunnel, that in the last stretch our travels proceeded quickly, that we could make our way unhindered through the rainy streets of Manhattan, amid lights gleaming everywhere on the wet pavement, to reach the theater and with helpful assistance getting us to our seats, sit down, somehow dazed that our luck in traveling had turned around so quickly, for although the show was already underway, we had not missed much. Yes, the show was Wicked. If we were all soon transfixed by the show, I'm not sure what word describes listening to Elphaba singing "For Good." Did I know somehow then what that song would come to mean to me or was it that Ana Gasteyer as Elphaba rendered it so extraordinarily, or both.

Well, read on, if you willing to have a mist in your eye, for below is a portion of "For Good" which you will remember was read at Laura's Memorial Service, that was to come, astoundingly, only two months later:

"It may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

by being my friend

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you...

because I knew you...

I have been changed for good..."

2008-11-02T20:37:00.007-05:00

Looking back at an early November, many years ago-little Laura and little Suse walk hand and hand over a carpet of leaves on Pepperidge Road.

The wintering ducks have started to return to Griffiths Pond. Some Bufflehead and Ring-Necked ducks arrived on Friday. Maybe another day will get closer for a photo though these are wild, wary ducks and that will take some luck.

Suse took care of two nice dogs this weekend. After an energetic session of retrieving tennis balls, Gracie (Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever/Lab mix) and Katie (Chesapeake Bay Retriever) here pause a moment with Suse.

Many leaves have fallen but there is still a lot of color in the late turning trees and throughout the woods. During a walk in the Tourne today, the raspberry colors of the Maple-Leaved Viburnum really caught my eye.

2008-10-30T20:53:00.008-04:00

It's Halloween and hope you don't mind if we remember the day over the years in a little Halloween slideshow. From little Laura, to school age Laura, to Laura on her journey with the beast of neuroblastoma, both 2005 (no hair at all,wearing red and black wig) and 2006 (lovely light brown wavy hair growing back in.) Laura with her beloved sister Susan and Laura with her dear friends.

It's been a long week already. Laura's birthday on Monday, and tenth anniversary of my mother's death on Tuesday. Wednesday realizing that one year had also passed since a young man from our town, Donnie Farrell, died after being brutally attacked near his college campus.

On Tuesday our hot water heater went. Minor inconvenience doing without hot water until Saturday. Can take a shower at the Y in the meantime.

A favorite Halloween poem, loved from childhood, and read (or recited) to Laura and Suse years ago.

Tonight is the night

When leaves fly

Like witches on switches

Across the sky,

When elf and sprite

Flit through the night

On a moony sheen

Tonight is the night

When leaves make a sound

Like a gnome in his home

Under the ground,

When spooks and trolls

Creep out of holes

Mossy and green.

Tonight is the night

When pumpkins stare

Through sheaves and leaves

Everywhere,

When ghoul and ghost

And goblin host

Dance round their queen

It's Hallowe'en!

-Henry Behn

Photos: Little Laura as Tinkerbell; School-age Laura as Snow White-at the Tailgate; Laura 2006 as the "Pink Leopard"(see how nicely her hair was growing back in); Laura, the Pink Leopard enjoys being with friends at TJ's Halloween party.

2008-10-26T20:05:00.010-04:00

I once estimated how many times Laura would have travelled up and down Kingsland Road in her life and how many times she would have looked out on Griffiths Pond. It was something like 1500 times or maybe more, don't remember how I figured it. Those fall mornings heading over to RVS, Laura would have looked out and seen the spirals of mist circling on the surface on the pond. She would have seen Griffiths Pond in all its many shades through the seasons, from placid green to a wintry leaden gray. I still always look out on Griffiths Pond as I drive by, always something to see, maybe a heron on the far shore, or fall colors reflected on the surface. These days I keep checking for the arrival of wintering ducks.

Made a Jack O'Lantern this weekend. I think Laura really wants us to keep up the tradition. The squirrels already have been feasting on it and will have to make another.

Laura's birthday is Monday, October 27. She would have been 14. I put all my thoughts into an entry on Laura's caringbridge site today. Also have put together a few photos of some of her birthdays in a slide show.

After the rain and wind of yesterday, the flowers at her grave needed tidying up. We added fresh pots of mums and balloons today in remembrance of her birthday.

It's a busy week coming up. Must close now but will be back later in the week to remember Halloween.

Photos: Griffiths Pond on a fall morning; Laura on her birthday at age 5: Laura, age 11, Hello Kitty themed birthday in the hospital while finishing 7th cycle of strong chemo, Oct 2005; this year's Jack o' Lantern; woodland scene near the Hogpen, Boonton Twp. (also see Jean Ricker's fascinating article about the Hogpen on about page 7 in the Boonton Twp newsletter.)

Fall rushes in

2008-10-16T22:35:00.000-04:00

In the just the last few days, fall began to move to its full glory. The maples with their brilliant reds and oranges were leading the way, followed by the ashes filling out the landscape with shades of peach and plum. On Pepperidge Road today, golden leaves whirled through the air. The namesake trees, the pepperidge trees, seemed to turn out their colorful display overnight. It's a only two weeks to Laura's birthday, and everything makes me think of her. But somehow fatigue and press of obligations keep the sadness from welling over. Suse is a senior in high school and very busy with the college application process and her studies. She's helping out on the yearbook and doing her other clubs. Tonight was Back to School night at the high school, the last one for us I sadly reflected.

Photos: Laura and Suse on Southfield Road many years ago; Pepperidge (Black Gum) trees on our road in fall color; the often admired maples in fall color overhanging the Rockaway River; Suse and Sam walk by the "Leaning Birch" on Pepperidge Road.

Of pumpkins

2008-10-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

This is looking like just the sort of fall weekend that Laura would have loved to pick out her pumpkin and get busy working out the design (I usually did the cutting and scraping out.) Here in Boonton Township, you can really get into the whole autumn scene with a visit to Hamilton Farms or to the Four Corners Pumpkin Patch. It's nice to make it a pumpkin tour of the township and visit both. Last week I did and, first making my way to Hamilton Farms to check out all the variety of autumn offerings. (Readers will recall that last June during National Lemonade Days, Doreen and Tom Deckenbach of Hamilton Farms, with the help of the students, held an Alex's Lemonade Stand there with fresh squeezed lemonade and homemade donuts.) Then on to the Four Corners Pumpkin Patch at Brookhollow Farm where it was nice to see Nancy Johanson, owner of Brook hollow farm and its prized alpacas. Laura had a lovely visit there in November 2006 and got to meet and mingle up close with the alpacas. Not to forget getting to name a baby alpaca! Last year the farm generously gave to the Children's Neuroblastoma Cancer Foundation (CNCF) from proceeds from their Christmas tree sale.

Photos: Laura in October 2006; her 2006 jack o lantern (after many nights of lighting); Hamilton Farms Alex's Lemonade Stand in memory of Laura and Tyler, June 2008 (photo by Renee Wentworth;) Hamilton Farms and pumpkins on display; Brookhollow Farms Pumpkin Patch with alpacas grazing in the distance; Laura visiting Brookhollow Farm, November 2006.

Click on any photo for larger view

For Laura's story, please click on the link on right to Laura's caringbridge site.

Another day on Pepperidge Road

2008-10-05T10:21:00.000-04:00

A fall Saturday like this might find us taking one of the menagerie to the vet for shots or checkups. Shown below, a photo of Laura, two years ago, holding her beloved cat, Pepper, in the vet's office. I love this photo: Laura is looking well, and her hair growing back nicely, gently waved in a nice sandy color. Laura knew Pepperidge Road to be a place where animal life abounds, where most households have dogs, usually several, or cats instead (or in addition!) and where a wide variety of wildlife roams the woods, wetlands and grassy areas all around.

And so on Pepperidge Road, you might come home from work, as I did on Friday evening, to find a bear on your cul-de-sac. The bear heads into the woods where he is promptly treed by neighbor

Ed's three huskies. The bear soon tires of clinging to a Tulip Tree 20-30 feet above the ground. He decides to descend despite the dogs and bolt off further into the woods as fast as he can. It's all like a another chapter in the stories of Buster Bear by Thornton Burgess.

On the domestic (or should I say bucolic side), a belated welcome to the neighborhood to the trio of Shetland Sheep: mother "Lilac" and two similarly flower- named progeny. I read up about Shetland sheep and have to say I am fascinated. (Laura and Suse would not be surprised as I was picking out for them stuffed sheep and other sheep-themed trinkets frequently over the years.) Shetland Sheep are of sturdy ancient stock (a "landrace") are easy keepers and very well adapted to harsh conditions. They come in a multitude of colors with captivating names like "emsket", "musket" or "moorit," terms from the Shetlands dialect with origin in the extinct Scandinavian language of the islands called Norn. They also come in a variety of markings, all with additional specialized names, with an end result of a profusion of color and markings possibilities.

Photos (still having trouble getting them to go in the correct order): Lilac and progeny; Buster Bear in the Tulip Tree (photo by neighbor Ed Marshall); Laura and Pepper at the vet's office, October 2006.

A storm called Laura

2008-10-01T22:29:00.000-04:00

All this hurricane season, I was waiting for the "L" storm because this year that storm would be named Laura. I thought there was a possibility that "Laura" might visit, and perhaps put the lights out a while. Well, "Laura" formed in the Atlantic this past week, and just like our Laura, she is taking great care not to trouble anyone. But, what! I'm reading there is a possibility "Laura" might track over to Scotland! It seems like Laura may be trying to visit the Temple-Simpsons!

Oct 2 update

A rainy weekend on the Cape

2008-09-29T19:57:00.000-04:00

"The weather was not favorable for wayside views, but we made the most of such glimpses of land and water as we could get through the rain." -Henry David Thoreau from Cape Cod

And such was the nature of

our return to Cape Cod, planned before the weather was known and the first without Laura. But between and among the mists, showers, and downpours of a weekend with back to back separate wet weather systems, we made the most of it and found our own bright spots. Like visiting with Ellen Hanson and family (Sean, Kathleen and Heather; triplets, and older brother Scott) at the Alex's Lemonade Stand held as part of their school's fall festival. (Please click here for a very nice article about Sean, Ellen and family and Alex's Lemonade Stand.) Laura and all of us visited together on the Cape in June 2006. The hydrangea that do so well on Cape Cod were coming into full bloom then. Now in September, they have dried and reached their purplish autumnal tints.

We stayed in the very old town of East Dennis close to Sesuit Harbor. Outside our house were two very old Kwanzan cherry trees, of course not in bloom, but could not help thinking Laura would have approved. The home owners were undoubtedly fond of eating lobster with many items of decoration on the lobster theme along with prominently posted cooking instructions. Suse was not amused having recently removed fish and seafood from her diet (out of conservation concerns.)

Our ramblings were within the scope of a few towns along 6A on the northern, bayside of Cape Cod. We returned to places like Haine's Creek Beach where a winding stream enters the flats and where we once stood, Laura too, marvelling at nature, in strong wind and cold rain on a spring day. Saw new places too like this view of the Brewster flats from the end of Sears Point Road.

Back at East Dennis, we took a beach walk before dinner and started walking out on the breakwater. Soon a rain squall came up and someone thought they heard thunder. Our raincoats seemed no match so we headed back. We're obviously not as tough as the locals for we soon met a trio of friendly fisherman, heads tucked down against the rain, just heading out to fish from the breakwater. Asked what they were fishing for, they shouted 'stripers!' and I thought they were just the sort of folk that Thoreau would have been delighted to meet.

Sorry the photos are out of order with the text. They seem to appear in reverse of what is intended. Shown above: Tony going out the breakwater; looking east from Harborview Beach across the harbor inlet to Sea St Beach; me on the stairs to the flats from Sears Point; a sloop anchored in Haine's Creek near outlet to the bay; Ellen, Sean, Kathleen, Heather, Scott and Mrs. Keenan at the fall festival; Laura and Sean, Kathleen and Heather in 2006; our rental house with shell driveway and overarching Kwanzan cherry trees; Laura with hydrangeas; hydrangeas in autumn tint; an example of the lobster motif.

Life imitates art (or tries to!)

2008-09-20T11:35:00.000-04:00

On a fall day, Laura once sat for a few photos on the deck, giving limited indulgence to my attempt to get a few portrait like pictures. I think I was trying to re-inact a hazy image in mind of Renoir's A girl with a watering can. Didn't get the props right but like the photos anyway.

It's a beautiful September day today. The goldenrod on Kingsland Road near Griffiths Pond are a lovely sight to behold. Scent of pine fills the air on a sunny stretch of Pepperidge Road. A bicycle ride, some errands, and then like most Saturdays's going way back, dinner will be worked around Garrison Keillor, A Prairie Home Companion, playing on various radios around the house, so as not to miss any, or in the car when out to pick up a takeout dinner, if that is our plan. Not everyone in our family though, Laura included, had or has my perennial patience to hang in there for the outstanding musical numbers and memorable humor that reward the patient listener. And I seem to stay with the radio medium for Garrison Keillor, not having picked up his books, for fear the dark thoughts he throws in to his comedy mix might be harder to avoid. At 8 PM, I might watch for the umpteenth time reruns of the British sitcom, Keeping Up Appearances, as I haven't tired yet of the caricatured characters, and having a few laughs is not a bad thing.

News from the Hanson family on Cape Cod. Next weekend there will be an Alex's Lemonade Stand at their elementary school's fall fair.

Please click here for a very nice article about Sean and all the family and the upcoming event.

Sad news, almost incomprehensible news, one year after Madison Swift of Massachusetts passed away from neuroblastoma, her 38 year old father has died suddenly, leaving Madison's mother and 5 year old sister, Laci.

Remembering Christi Thomas

2008-09-18T19:48:00.000-04:00

Our thoughts are with the Thomas family as they pass the two year mark since Christi passed away. I put together a little photo remembrance of Christi which we posted last year this time also. If this time of year wasn't hard enough, Christi's mom Angela is recovering from surgery and just two days ago one of her former students was killed in a car accident. You can visit Angela's blog at the link under the NB families around the country section of this blog.

Christi at home in Ohio giving her cat Buttercup a ride in the pet trailer.

Innocent of the future

2008-09-17T07:55:00.000-04:00

It brings an eerie feeling to come across this photo of young Laura and Suse visiting our cemetery when Laura was around 3 and Suse 6. They had gone there with Tony as he took pictures of the beautiful autumn scene around the church and cemetery as the sugar maples changed color. To think that Laura had actually visited the place that would become her final resting place after untimely death at the age of 12...

These days I visit often. It is so peaceful there. The other day, the flowers at her grave did not need watering and I was in a bit of a hurry, but stopped anyway for a quick visit...and found two smooth rounded pebbles had been carefully added to the arrangement at her grave. It turned out that just hours before Laura's dear friends brought these two stones to her, as mementoes from Cape Cod, a place Laura especially loved.

Laura (in pink) and Suse contemplate a gravestone (photo from late 1990s.)

Bears around

2008-09-14T10:55:00.000-04:00

For many years now, while their population has been growing in northwest New Jersey, black bears have been frequently sited around the Township environs. Laura's earliest bear sightings went back to her preschool days, when a bear decided to crash their outdoor ice cream party at Mustard Seed School, sending all the children and teachers hurrying into the school. (yes, the bear got the ice cream.) During her RVS years, there were periodic bear sightings, and the "walkers" as opposed to the schoolbused children, had to stay back until the all clear. Around our house they would pass by from time to time, crisscrossing the woods and wetlands on tracks and missions known only to them, and periodically open our garbage can and take a sack into the woods to glean a feast. I can remember how Laura and all of us rushed to the window one morning in 2006 to watch one take a bag of garbage to his liking and make off with it. I'm so glad Laura had that close, safe look. Earlier this year, when lone bears looking for new territories would be expected, there didn't seem to be too many around, but lately numerous appearances of sows and cubs in our vicinity have made up for it.

A mother bear and cubs visited our neighbor two houses away about a week ago. Photos by Scott Hendricks.

September scenes Boonton Township

2008-09-13T12:40:00.000-04:00

Pumpkins growing in a neighbor's front yard and the delicate spires of the Blue Mist shrub.

Laura lived her entire life in the same house in Boonton Township. A home loving person, Boonton Township and her school, Rockaway Valley School, were the centers of her world. The scenes on Pepperidge Road continues to unfold in step with the seasons, and it is easy to imagine she would have been pleased with what she might see here right now.

Our thoughts are with all those whose lives have been greatly disrupted by Hurricane Ike in Texas, especially pediatric cancer patients. At Texas Children's Hospital in Houston, I read that last night the patients were going to be moved into the hallways during the storm to protect them from possible flying glass from windows suddenly breaking from high wind. And, if the power stays out for long, the weeks ahead will no doubt be even tougher for children needing chemo, and blood and platelet transfusions.

What could it have been like to be right in the storm? This is a blog entry from a journalist that gave a particular sense of what it could have been like.

Septembers past

2008-09-11T20:28:00.000-04:00

September 2005

In the days leading up to surgery, a dinner out with Andrew and Emily at "Petaluma," steps away from the NYC Ronald McDonald House. Laura liked the flaming desserts best of all!

September 2006

In the outpatient treatment area at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, Laura was fashioning figurines.

September 2006

Enjoying a visit to the Red Panda at the Phildelphia Zoo. This creature was the inspiration for one of her figurines

September 2007

We have been without Laura for nearly nine months. The Friends of Laura Stiles team participates in the Parkway Run for childhood cancer research at CHOP along with thousands of walkers and runners.

Remembering September 11th

2008-09-10T21:35:00.000-04:00

Above our Boonton Township September 11th memorial.

It's been seven years gone now as we pause this coming day to remember September 11th. It will be remembered in public memorials large and small and in the quiet thoughts of everyone who remembers where they were that day and shudders to recall it. Our region is dotted with September 11 memorials, whether formal ones by counties or towns, or simple ones on hilltops which once held the towers in their vistas.

There's a simple memorial at the top of The Tourne, noted hilltop of our area in the Tourne County Park. Before September 11th, a visit to The Tourne used to mean walking to the top and seeing if the towers were visible in the distant NYC skyline.

At the time of September 11th, Laura was a first grader. Had she lived she know doubt would have remembered all her life the times of September 11th.

A new endeavor

2008-09-09T20:37:00.000-04:00

We love our caringbridge site for Laura but thought it would be great to have a blog where text and photos could be interspersed and commenters could include a photo of their own. So we'll give it a whirl. We just ask your patience while we get going. New readers, please do check our caringbridge site at the above link for Laura's story and our journal, chronicling the struggle with neuroblastoma and ultimately the passing of a bright and gentle spirit, Laura Stiles, on December 22, 2006.

It was just 3 years ago when Laura age 12 was about to have surgery to remove her primary tumor at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York. Just came across this photo taken in the days leading up to the surgery, which we spent in NYC, while Laura had pre-surgical testing and stem cell harvest. We're in Toys R Us in Times Square. Laura has just completed five cycles of very strong chemo and has lost all her hair, including if I remember correctly a lot of her eyelashes and eyebrows. Laura got her Nintendo DS that day, affectionately to be known as simply the "DS," a device which was to be a steady source of pleasant distraction for her, during many hours in the months to come.

Neuroblastoma happens sporadically without known cause in about one in 100,000 children. Researchers, including two of Laura's doctors, Drs Maris and Mosse at CHOP, are just starting with new research published in 2008 to get a handle on the first ever few pieces of what is the complicated "perfect storm" of genetic events, as Dr. Maris called it, that is neuroblastoma.

Readers should not assume our case represents the typical. Neuroblastoma is usually diagnosed in much younger children. Since Laura was an older child for neuroblastoma, diagnosed at age 10, there was the initial hope that the neuroblastoma would not behave as aggressively as it often does.But, as Dr. Kushner, her pediatric oncologist at MSK would say to me this year, looking back, her case, so resistant to treatments, never going into remission, was a case he saw as an outlier among all, I'm guessing the many hundreds of cases, he has seen.

We're thinking of our friend Erin Buenger in Texas who is in patient for chemo. Please drop by and say hello!